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A Pirate’s guide to Piracy

A Pirate’s guide to Piracy

It happens every time a good new game comes (or in case of Demons Souls, Halo, Red Dead series etc, fails to come) to PC, you hear the same old excuses: PC games get pirated. A lot. Well, it is sort of true, but as always, there’s another side to the coin. Ever wondered WHY games are pirated? Yes, yes I know, people love free stuff, but that’s not all. Here’re a few arguments in favour of the pirates, straight from the horse’s mouth. Ladies and gentlemen, the infamous pirate Technobeard! So let’s Get started \m/

TECHNOBEARD: YARR! ENOUGH WIT’ YER BLUBBERIN’, YA PANTYWAIST! *WHAM* Have a face full o’ me boot ye jelly boned thumb suckin’ crud bucket! Mos’ console landlubbers condone piracy (ARR! DEATH TO ‘EM) because mayhaps they don’ unnerstand ye olde pirate code. Well, here ye go laddy, Tha Pirates’ Code, in all it’s Ale drinkin’ glory.

Avast, ye landlubbers! Ahoy, me hearties. Gather round, ye bilge-rats, for today, I shall tell ye of the code o’ th’ Pirates. ‘Tis the closest thing we pirates have that can be called a uniform code.

Pirates cannot stand weenies and kids, so run while you can :)

Pirates cannot stand weenies and kids, so run while you can 🙂

Aye, ‘tis true, we are men o’ as many shades as they come in, united only by our love o’ the sea (Internets), grog (movies; the French say fine cinema is like fine wine; the stuff I like is like the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, wenching (Porn, lol; as if any of us get laid) and pillagin’ (Video-games), an’ hate o’ The Man.

Arr, I’m getting’ to it, ya bilge rat! Never rush a pirate unless ya want a blunderbuss up yer arse.

So, ye pansies wan’ ta hear the code, eh? Well, tharr she goes:

a) If ye like the content ye pirate, ye mus’ seed atleast the amount ye plundered. If not, yer an arsehole.

b) If ye like the content ye pirate, ye mus’ buy it, be it sea-shankies or treasures.

c) If ye like the content ye pirate, ye mus’ recommend it ta yer mateys.

d) If ye like the content ye pirate, ye mus’ support tha content creators
(Not the goddamn publishers ye idiots; EA has money, People Can Fly doesn’t) through KickstARRters, if ye an’ they so desire.

An unfortunate soul about to get his booty surprise-plundered

Now, I shall explain why.

Imagine yerself, broke, on a deserted spot o’ land in what looks like Davy Jones’ Locker. And yer a scurvy dog, fresh out of limes. Ta get through the stay, ye steal from a smugglers’ cache, fully intending to pay ’em back. And they discover ye. Now they can do two things: Hang ye/ make ye walk the plank/ do nasty things to yer bung-hole, or give ye a chance to honour yer word like a man.

That, me lads, is the relation betwixt a content creator an’ pirates like ye an’ me. Most good pirates only pirate ta test out whether tha content is good on the Hype Engine’s word or not. If it is, ye buy it so that the creators create more o’ the stuff. If not, Screw ‘em hype makin’ bastards.

Ahoy you! Yes ya pantywaist, ye. Go buy me some ale. *goes to the bar, grumbling all the way*

AYUSH: People wouldn’t pirate if content was easier to consume. I haven’t pirated since games began being stocked at stores like PlanetM (I bought my first legit copy of a game there. Never looked back since) and Croma. If people pirate they a) can’t afford to buy your stuff ,b) will buy it after trying it out or c) are a bunch of c***s. The third category can’t be helped. There is a subtle relation between the content creators and the pirates. Like the pirates, the creators also come in different flavours. First think in numbers and wear business suits and use words like ‘Bottom-lines’ and ‘Synergy’. These people equate every file torrented with a sale lost, and fail to factor in the fact that people like to know what they are buying, hence they pirate, and if they like it, buy a copy to support the devs. Or the fact that some pirates wouldn’t buy their stuff at all. The second kind are smelly, have long hair, smoke a lot of pot, and know what it is like to be flat broke. And hence, are chill when it comes to piracy. The first-OH GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING TECHNOBEARD AHHHHHH! *BLAT*

TECHNOBEARD: Now then, where was I? Aye, the Creators. The content creators can also be c**ts. They can DMCA ye an’ actually throw yer arse in jail for copyin’ bits of zeroes an’ ones. Their arguments are retarded: they say ye wouldn’t steal a car; an’ somehow think that copyin’ a CD is same as stealin’ a car. Except if lubbers could copy a car withoot destroyin’ the original for free, only idiots would pay through their noses for a cARR. What they fail ta realize is tha’ 0s and 1s are VERY different from cogs an’ wheels. Or even pens an’ pages, whose Intellectual Property rights apply ta yer gizmos. Times change. Move on ye greedy pig-faced, butt-scratching baboons! If ye stopped piracy, pirates wouldn’t buy yer wares. If ye act like a poxy narwhal-spawn o’er piracy, Red blooded pirates like me plunder yer Booty on principle.

Hotline Miami sold like Grog at a port pub. ‘Twas also pirated like yer ‘X Marks Tha Spot’ maps. But ta Davy Jones with it, said the makers, an‘ actually helped tha pirates fix bugs! It sold withoot the chains o’ slavery (DRM, Steam) too. An’ they be makin’ Hotline Miami 2 too, bless ‘em. Most copies sold because it is the best game I’ve had the honour ta play in a while. Many sold because tha pirates who liked it bought it. This wouldn’t ‘a happened if Dennaton behaved like EA an’ DMCA’d yer pirate arse. But Shiver me Timbers, that little gesture converted Dennaton from Them to Us for the pirates.

What’s me point? Ye’ve got quite the nerve, laddy! Ye shall either die in yer first month on tha deck, or become one o’ tha great ones. Well, what I want ta say is that times change. ‘Tis the age of six hour Single Player campaigns paired wit’ fast paced multiplayer, and also o’ story driven masterpieces. Content an’ quality sell now, whether they be fast paced shootin’-ye-in-tha-nuts action or story driven epics. An’ markets have changed too. Maybe ‘tis time for the distributors ta change too.

Well, that’s the day. I’ve got ta go. The sea awaits. Be meetin’ ya, if it so pleases our fates. Enjoy yer innocence while ye have it, me lads, for the sea wants men, not boys. An’ it gets them too.

We hope you liked this article by a budding Pirate  🙂 You can contribute here too by writing us at

#Disclaimer: All of us as gamers know that piracy is prevalent and coexists in India, here is a fun and humorous take at it. Gaming Central in no way encourages the same but we welcome opinions and perspectives on this subject 🙂


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