So, Did You Know There’s A Petition To Cancel Far Cry 5?

DISCLAIMER: The following piece does not intend to insult or undermine any person’s race, religion or political views. Neither does it intend to make a political statement. The aim is to point out the ignorant and idiotic nature of the petition, and the light it shines on the negative stereotypes about a country. If you are easily offended, kindly click on another article and don’t bother reading this.

For those still living under a rock, Ubisoft recently announced Far Cry 5, set in Hope County, Montana. After memorable adventures on beautiful landscapes, massacring people of different races, religious beliefs and philosophies, you return to the franchise to take on a group of white Christian cult causing terror and havoc in a small community. You might wonder why I’m even mentioning the specifics about race and religion in this context, but trust, there’s a very fun reason for it.

A petition has been filed on Change.org to cancel the game. “But why would anyone want a Far Cry game to be cancelled? It’s such a great series” – one might say. Well, what do you think the reason could be? SOMEONE GOT OFFENDED. That’s right. Welcome to 2017, where freedom of expression has been reduced to an excuse for people to whine and complain about absolutely everything. But before I actually get into it, do go ahead and check out the petition.

The petition goes on to suggest some hilariously stupid suggestions, each of which I’m going to quote and comment on, one by one. Why? BECAUSE FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION, biyatch.

Suggestion No. 1

Change the villains.  It’s not so hard, really.  Just change the villains to something more realistic.  Islam is on the rise in America, as is the violence of inner city gangs.  Are you scared to do so?  In the words of Boltair – “To learn who rules you, simply find out who’s not being criticized.”

Oh yeah. Change the villains. You might also need to change the plot and story in light of the new villains, and probably most of the missions and dialogues as well. But hey, it’s not so hard, really. It’s not like you have been working on the game for at least a year. Also, does a white Christian actually sound like a real villain to you? Everyone knows Muslims are the bad guys. Have you ever heard someone kill people in the name of Christianity? The Crusades are nothing more than a conspiracy theory propagated by other religions. I’m not really familiar with the situation of inner city gangs, though. So I can’t comment on that. ARE YOU SCARED TO CALL PEOPLE OUT ON THEIR SHIT, UBISOFT? In the words of myself – “To learn how to not be a complete moron, simply find out how to actually use your brain.”

Suggestion No. 2

Alter the villains.  Even if you insist on making the villains American Christians, consider mixing the races a bit to not target white people exclusively.  There are plenty of nationalists of every stripe and every race and creed.  So throw in some blacks and Mexicans.  There’s no reason a protectonist nationalist movement would all be one race?  Why stop being Politically correct here?

Well, I now realize completely changing the villains might be a tad bit more work. But come on. White Christian supremacists don’t exist. Go on, throw in some blacks and Mexicans, because you know, why not? It’s not like they have anything good to offer anyway. Why else do you think our honorable President has such a hard-on for building a wall? No white community is capable of spreading violence by itself, so you need to do the right thing.

Suggestion No. 3

Alter the plot.  It’s obvious that you continue to insist on using these characters.  However with a few artistic tweaks you can save the concept entirely.  Have the villains simply be misguided patriots forced into making their own nation vs. the will of an oppressive over-government, construed of all the people they turn their wrath against in their immediate surroundings.  Their brutal physical and sexual violence towards their oppressors will then be explained as a reaction to harsh government policies and taxation, to show that both sides are wrong.

Oh well. I give up on the characters. BUT. You can still change the plot, can’t you? It’s not like you put any thought into the original storyline anyway. I’m better than your whole-billions-worth corporation, so you better pay attention to my “artistic insights”. You know, if you twist the meaning of this suggestion, it could easily form the story of how America came to be a free country. But meh, what do you know. You’re only one of the biggest video game publishers in the world.

Suggestion No. 4

Change the setting, but only for certain markets.  Look, I get that anti-Americanism plays in France, and I’m not telling you to give up on potential profits due to complaints.  Wouldn’t want to be thought as one of those hypocrite feminists, right?  But for America, right now, Anti-Americanism is out.  You gotta play your market.  Change the setting to Canada for America.  This way you don’t turn away potential players due to offensiveness.  Just trying to help you make more money.

First of all break character and commend this guy for once. I just love how this guy thinks that the universe revolves around America. But I guess a lifetime of watching Hollywood movies can do that to a guy. Just kidding. Anyway. Look, Ubisoft, I know that other countries like to portray America as the big bad wolf, but we’re as pure as freshly fallen snowflake. So, you know, why not make two versions of the game? Keep one for us good American citizens and the other for the rest of the world. Just change the setting to Canada. I’m sure they’re all sick of the “Nice Guy” stereotype anyway, let them have some fun. This way you make a ton of money and we don’t get offended. Trust me, it’s an amazing business proposal. And while I have you, can I also apply for the position of CEO at your company? Pretty please?

Closing Statements

Follow one of more of these and this game will be saved from PC hell and multicultural development.  We Americans have so few games to call our own, and we’re tired of losing them to multi-cultural bullshit.

Get your shit together Ubisoft. Just listen to me and your game won’t be stuck in a sea full of P(C)ness. For those who  Look at me, I’m so sad, we barely have any games that us Americans can call our own. ‘Cause you know, no war game has ever been made from the perspective of an American Soldier. America wasn’t even a part of the Allies, so COD:WWII is out of the question. And we definitely do not have an entire franchise that’s about American football. OH MY GOD UBISOFT, WILL YOU STOP VIOLATING MY PRECIOUS WHITE CHRISTIAN VALUES? Also, did I mention that I am a two-faced bigot who bathes in a gallon of hypocrisy every day? I want other cultures to be included as long as we’re showing them in a negative light, but I swear to God I’ve had it with your multicultural bullshit.

That was fun. Stupid and offensive maybe, but still fun.

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